“Hello? Ha! Voicemail. You know what to do. Just kidding. Sterling Archer, here. Mother? Hi, listen, I can’t really talk. I’m still at TRIdigital gathering intel. It’s just as you said it would be: full of quack jobs and marketers. They have yet to suspect me or my true intentions of wanting to intern here, but I have what I need to take back to ISIS. Although they mainly focus on managed IT service marketing, I’m sure Lana can mold this intel with those big hands of hers into valuable information. Ha ha ha! Mother, grab a pen. You’re going to want to jot down these marketing tips down.

[Long Pause]

[Computer voice: “The voice mailbox of…] Sterling Archer […is full. Goodbye.]”

Day 1 – Don’t Get Caught

“Hello?

[Pause]

Pasted image at 2016_05_12 05_29 PM…hold on! I am here. I am here! Do you have that pen with you? Apparently these guys are really big on being the best. Which is why I think I fit in so well here. Oh man! Whoo! I am awesome! They are never boring, definitely on the more creative side. They take their time with each client to discover their unique qualities and characteristics to bring out a story that cannot be duplicated. They asked me if I agreed with their techniques, and all I had to say was, “Do you not?” I was appointed the donut guy for a week, and we all know that’s how you get ants.”

[Beep]

Day 12 – Marketing Tips Gathered: Segment Emails and Add Videos

“MOTHER! I can’t really talk right now, we’re having a council meeting. We are discussing this week’s best marketing practices. Establishing great email practices… joke’s on them, I have Cheryl do all my emails. Actually, get Cheryl and tell her to start taking notes. Tell her that we need to start personalizing to our subscribers. Our subscribers need to feel like it was made exclusively for them. We can do this by segmenting our email lists based off their varying pain points orPasted image at 2016_05_12 05_29 PM-1 interests. ADD VIDEOS, CHERYL. Emails with videos and GIFs capture more engagement than static emails. Also, make sure they are compatible to mobile devices. Are any of you writing this down? They’re also talking about how to add value into keeping in touch with prospects. Duh, read a book! The best marketers take the time to invest in showcasing their clients brand’s expertise for technology. I guess you gain power when you connect with people. OH AND…!”

[BEEEEP]

Day 28 – Marketing Tips Gathered: Develop a Valuable Strategy

“Look Lana, I am really busy and I know Mother told you to call me because of the voicemails, but I am knee-deep in information. Obviously, marketing isn’t just Pasted image at 2016_05_12 05_30 PMfinancial values! I mean, read a book! Value can be customer value, seller value, vendor value, market brand value, and corporate value. Apparently, these sort of things should not be neglected. Their marketing strategy is helping so many businesses reach their goals and I got to be a part of this! They really focus their approach on creating and distributing valuable, relevant, and consistent content that attracts and retains their client’s distinctive voice. We could probably get them to market for ISIS. Do we do that? I mean they have more field experience than Cyril. It’s impressive how they really get to know their clients on a personal level before they begin a mission. Maybe I should do that.”

[Computer voice: The mailbox of…] ARrrRrrRrCHER [ …is full. Leave it.]

Day 42 – Over and Out!

“Lana, listen!

[HORN BLARES]

Ha ha ha! Wait! Oh, uhhhh, danger zone! I hear someone coming. It might be those large men who have been trying to take me boxing. I have a few more unstoppable marketing tips to give you, but you might just have to come down here and get them yourself, because I am running late. And this is another elaborate voicemail. Ha ha ha. Leave it!”

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